A New Start
by AO4ever
Summary: Alex tries to get Olivia to let her back in after running away a year ago. She hopes it is possible with the changes that have happened in Olivia's life.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I started writing this last night as I couldn't sleep. I had the idea in my head and it developed into a whole chapter. It will be a lot shorter than the story I'm currently working on entitled Stay With Me. I promise this one will end and be short and sweet. Enjoy!**

Olivia curled up on her couch after a long day. She had just settled in after finishing moving into her new apartment. It was a lot bigger than the one bedroom apartment she had lived in for ten years. She had spent the evening getting the necessities out of boxes. Unpacking the rest would have to wait until the next couple of days. Tonight though, she was done. She was completely drained and couldn't do more even if she wanted to.

Flipping on the lamp that sat on the end table Olivia grabbed her book and got comfortable. She had just gotten into the book when her phone rang. Sighing she picked up the phone without checking who was on the other end.

"Benson."

"Whatever you do, just please don't hang up." The familiar voice of Alexandra Cabot came flowing through the phone.

Olivia felt a wave of emotion come over here. The only motion that surfaced was anger though.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't Alex?"

"Liv, I know that I hurt you. If I could I would do so many things differently."

"You're damn right that you hurt me. Frankly, I don't give a damn anymore. You walked out on me twice Alex. I'm not sure why you called me in the first place. You made it very clear you didn't want me in your life when you walked out that night."

"I miss you. I fucked up Olivia. More than once I know."

As soon as Alex's words left her mouth she heard an infant crying in the background faintly.

"I have to go Alex."

Getting up, Olivia made her way to the first bedroom down the hall. She made her way in and reached the crib on the far wall. Reaching in, she picked up her four month old daughter.

"It's gonna be one of those nights, huh Kinsley?" Olivia grabbed the bottle and walked to the kitchen. She put the dirty bottle on the counter and grabbed another to make a fresh one. Looking down at her daughter Olivia smiled. She couldn't help but think of the first day she held her in her arms and how she became her mother.

Olivia was responding to a call a little over three months ago. Their victim had been raped and murdered. After they had secured the scene they heard the cries of a newborn coming from the closet. They found her underneath a blanket. Back then, Olivia was briefly seeing the state's social worker, Emma Smith. After the case had ended the little girl was still in foster care. They found no relatives for the baby to go to. Emily had pulled strings and jumped through hoops. She got Olivia granted temporary custody of Kinsley. She then started pursuing adopting her. She only had one more court date left and the adoption would be finalized. Between work and taking care of Kinsley she eventually no longer could juggle seeing Emma. The few months she spent with Emma weren't the greatest but it brought Kinsley into her life.

Snapping out of her flashback, Olivia shook the bottle and sat in the recliner. She slowly rocked back and forth as she fed Kinsley. Olivia smiled as she saw Kinsley's eyes slowly closing. Just as her eyes closed Olivia cringed when she heard her phone ringing again. She looked and saw it was Alex and sighed.

"What Alex." She answered talking just above a whisper.

"Can I please just talk to you face to face, let me come see you?"

"It's damn near midnight Alex. So no, you can not come see me. You can't just leave when you want and expect me to let you right back in as if nothing happened. It's not happening like that this time, nor can it. My life didn't stop going when you left this time. I have other priorities. Whatever you have to say can wait. We'll talk eventually but whenever it happens, it will happen on my terms. Definitely not yours. I have to go."

Without waiting for a reply Olivia hung up the phone. She threw her phone on the couch and sat there crying. She held Kinsley to her and kissed her head. She missed Alex but she couldn't find it in her to let her come back into her life.

Alex sat on the balcony looking out at the city. She regretted ever leaving her. Taking her phone out of her pocket she stared at Olivia's name.

Across town Olivia had just put Kinsley back in her crib. She laid down on her couch and looked at her phone. She had to resist the urge to call Alex. She stopped herself. She couldn't do it again. She loved Alex with everything she had in her. But this time she had more than just herself to protect. She refused to have anyone in and out of Kinsley's life.

Back in Alex's apartment she put her phone back in her pocket. Sighing, she walked back in and went and got ready for bed. Slipping between her sheets she pulled her phone out and opened up a text.

_Olivia, you have every single right to be angry at me. I wouldn't blame you if you absolutely hated me. But I promise one day I'll regain your trust. Goodnight._

Olivia had just curled up in bed when her phone went off. She read it and held the phone to her. She took a deep breath before finally replying.

_25__th__ street apartment building. Apartment 2E. tomorrow at noon._

She turned in bed and left her phone on the side table. She couldn't put it off. No matter how much she wanted to.

The next morning she woke up around seven when she heard Kinsley crying over the baby monitor. She got out of bed and smiled as she made her way into her little girl's room

Olivia changed Kinsley and went to make her a bottle. After she was finished feeding her, Olivia paid her on her play mat and when to start a pot of coffee. She was more than nervous about seeing Alex.

The rest of her morning was spent trying to unpack some of the living room. She was halfway done around eleven when she realized Alex would be there soon. She tried to keep herself busy. In between taking care of Kinsley and unpacking she successfully did just that.

Olivia had her in her arms and went to make her a bottle. She was going to put her down for a nap so she could shower and get dressed. Kinsley had other plans. She wanted nothing to do with taking a nap. Every time Olivia thought she was out and went to put her in her crib she would wake up screaming.

Noon was quickly approaching and Olivia was still in the recliner rocking Kinsley back and forth. It was about ten till when there was a knock on the door. The baby had just fallen into a deep sleep but she hadn't dared put her in her crib yet. Olivia took a deep breath as she got up and went to the door. She slowly let it out as she opened it to see Alex's face.

"Come in." Olivia stepped aside and let Alex make her way in. "I'll be back in a minute." Olivia went to put Kinsley in her crib, praying that this time she wouldn't wake up. She flipped on the baby monitor as she walked out and went to grab the other part from her bedroom.

"I didn't know you-." Alex was still standing in the doorway when she saw Olivia come back in.

"There is a lot of stuff you don't know." Olivia said sharply as she took a seat on the couch. "Come sit down."

Alex nodded and sat in the recliner across from Olivia. Internally Olivia was happy she chose not to sit next to you on the couch. She didn't trust herself having Alex that close. An awkward silence filled the room and Olivia was the first to break it.

"Why did you run this time Alex? I need an answer."

"I was scared and selfish."

Olivia sat there and waited for Alex to continue. She wasn't going to just accept that.

"I was falling in love with you so fast. We were talking about moving in. It scared the living shit out of me. I left and it was selfish. I left and realized that I couldn't run anymore. I came back after finishing the case I was assigned to up north. The day I came into town I walked past the café we used to go to and I saw you kissing another woman before you left. I got back in my cab and went back. I told myself that you were happy. That you had someone that would treat you better. But then I couldn't deal with it any longer. So many nights I dialed your number just to put my phone back down. Last night was the first night I had the courage to actually press call."

"You left me shattered Alex. So many nights I spent just wishing you would come back. I just wanted to hear your voice. I would call your phone just to get your voicemail. Soon after that missing you turned into anger. I turned into a not so pleasant person. Until Kinsley came along. The woman you saw me with was Emma Smith. I wasn't happy but it was someone there to take some of the pain away. It lasted a month if that. Hell I don't even know why I'm even beginning to even explain myself to you."

"I don't deserve it. And I know I deserve all the anger you have for me. But damn it Olivia I'm done running. I want you."

"You could have had me all this time Alex but you left."

"I know that. And I would do whatever it takes to make you see that this time I'm here to stay."

"I can't trust you. Nor do I even know where to begin on how to again."

Alex looked down at the ground and nodded.

"I'm sorry, for everything." Alex looked up at Olivia trying to hold back her tears.

For the first time their eyes locked and Olivia got lost in Alex's eyes. They were a deep blue, filled with sincere emotion.

"I've missed you every single day Alex. I don't think I can open myself up to you again and risk you bolting. I refuse to have people come in and out of Kinsley's life."

"I won't. I've learned my lesson. If you can find it within yourself to let me back in, I'm here permanently. Until that is or if at all possible I will try and get you to trust me."

"I'm not too sure how long that will take though Alex. Besides, so much has changed. I have Kinsley. And work has even changed so much. I feel like I'm a completely different person."

"People change as life goes on, but I'd really like to get to know you all over again. I just want to be in your life again."

Olivia ran her hand through her hair and sighed. At this point she didn't know what to think or what she even wanted.

"It'll be a slow process. I have another human I'm responsible for. She comes before anyone."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you Liv. You finally are making your dreams come true."

"I am, and there's finally happiness back in my life. I love that little girl so much."

"You deserve her. She gets the privilege of growing up and having you as a mother."

Olivia couldn't help but smile. The tension was slowly leaving. That didn't mean that Olivia still wasn't hurt and upset but she couldn't stay that angry anymore.

They had spent the next five minutes making small talk before Kinsley was heard crying through the monitor.

"Would you like me to leave?" Alex bit her lip as Olivia got up.

"No, stay." Olivia paused before opening up the bedroom door. "That nap wasn't very long now was it? Let's get that wet diaper off of you and then you get to meet someone new."

Alex sat there and smiled as she heard Olivia talking to Kinsley. She was such an amazing mother.

Olivia brought Kinsley in and smiled at Alex. "This little one is soon to be Kinsley Elizabeth Benson just over a week."

Alex took a deep breath in when she heard that Olivia was giving her her middle name.

"Elizabeth?"

Olivia just nodded and smiled again. "She wasn't given a middle name at birth, in a way by giving her your middle name I still had a piece of you."

Alex turned her attention to Kinsley and smiled as she babbled. Olivia picked up a toy off the table and handed it to her.

"At this rate, I'm not going to get anything accomplished today. I had planned on showering before you got here. You can tell how well that went. And on top of that I have almost an entire house to unpack." She sat down and curled up with Kinsley in her arms.

"Well, I'm not doing anything today. If you want help I mean…" Alex bit her lip trailing off.

"Trying to ease your way in I see Counselor?"

"Depends, is it working?"

"Slightly but don't get too ahead of yourself."

Alex just nodded and then turned her head to the side a bit "Does that mean I get to stay?"

Olivia just nodded. She was trying to keep herself guarded but she no longer was armed. There was no denying the feelings she had for the blonde woman.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter! I would also like to say I do NOT own the song that I used in this chapter. I'm Sorry by Tommy Reeves is not mine. Nor are the characters of SVU.**

Olivia silently curled up on the couch and watched Alex. She was still so cared to have Alex there but at the same time she was internally at peace. She missed her but she still was trying to tell herself not to get attached again. She was pulled out of her own head when she heard Kinsley fussing. Before she could even move Alex had slipped her binky into her mouth and she was completely fine.

"Lex, do you mind if I take a quick shower. It's either I do it now when I have someone to help with Kinsley or it isn't going to happen until she goes to sleep tonight." Olivia took a deep breath.

"Go, Liv. I think I can take care of her for as long as it takes you to get in and out." Alex shot her a small smile. She knew it was taking a lot for the detective to even let her stay, let alone watch Kinsley.

Alex watched when Olivia got up. Alex smiled at the little girl when she started to fuss. This time her binky wasn't doing the trick. She bent down and picked her up, holding her close to her.

"You're lucky to have her as your mommy. She loves you so much. You're going to be just as pretty as she is when you grow up." Alex kissed her head and smiled.

Alex was still talking to the baby when Olivia came out of the bathroom.

"What took you so long?" Olivia looked at Alex as she walked into the room. "Why did you take so long to come back? Why can't I even begin to stay mad at you? Especially when I sit here and watch you interact with my daughter. I was so – still am so angry at you for just dropping me like a bad habit. My mind can't even begin to wrap around it." Olivia had tears in her eyes.

"I can't even come up with an excuse that could possibly be forgivable, Liv. I've hated myself since I left. I have regretted it every single day and night. I was going to come back and then I caught a case. I couldn't leave until I knew he was behind bars. When I did come back, like I told you last night I thought you were happier without me"

"I wasn't though Lex. She was a distraction. The only thing that came out of the relationship was Kinsley." Olivia still held back the tears that threatened to fall. "I want to let you back in, I do. I just can't find it in me to let you and then have you leave again."

"I'm done leaving Olivia. I know nothing I say can ever make you see just how sorry I am. But I am prepared to try and get you see that I love you."

"I love you too Alex, but I don't think I can do it." Olivia no longer held back and let the tears fall. Alex wanted to wrap her arms around Olivia but knew better.

Alex sat there and looked at the ground. She wasn't going to stop fighting for Olivia but she knew it could take a while for her to get her to come around.

"I think I need some time alone." Olivia said barely above a whisper. She knew she wouldn't get anything done but she also couldn't sit there with Alex like this quite yet. Alex was making it hard to keep her out without even doing anything. Just seeing her there was enough. Every single second spent with her, her guard was going to go down.

Alex simply nodded and handed Olivia Kinsley. She was hurt but Olivia had every right to act the way she was.

"Call me in you need anything? I'll see you when you return to work."

With that Alex left leaving Olivia to stare at her door wide eyed. She couldn't believe what she heard. Was Alex really returning to SVU? She shook her head and went to grab Kinsley's swing, hoping it would keep her occupied long enough so she could get a few things done.

Olivia sighed as she sat back down on the couch. Her mind was running in a million directions. Trying to push thoughts out of her head she went ahead and grabbed a box, trying to keep busy. That didn't work too well when the first box she unpacked were a few things she had gotten from Alex their first Christmas. She picked up the small box and ran her thumb over it. It was a small keepsake box that had the police officer prayer engraved in it. She carried it along with the other things into her bedroom and placed them on her dresser. Everything reminded her of Alex no matter what it was. Almost every item she had, had some kind of memory with her.

Olivia pushed through and got most of the boxes unpacked. Kinsley had thankfully fallen asleep in her swing. As she collapsed the moving boxes Olivia couldn't stop thinking about Alex. She kept telling herself she couldn't let her in that easily. Knowing she could have her though, had Olivia's head spinning once again. For so long Alex was the only constant in her life. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Kinsley started to wake up. She picked her up and glanced at the clock and went ahead and made her a bottle. She sat the bottle down on the coffee table and went to change her first. Settling back in on the couch, feeding Kinsley Olivia heard her phone go off in the other room. She didn't even bother getting it. She knew who it would be. Olivia finally got up a half hour later. She had fed Kinsley and gave her cuddles before trying to get her to do a little tummy time. Fortunately for Olivia, Kinsley has never minded it. Once again Olivia sighed when she heard her phone go off again. She picked up Kinsley and went to check it against her better judgment. She wasn't shocked when she saw Alex's name. She had one missed call and a text message.

_I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have stayed to begin with after we talked about what we needed to_.

Olivia stared at her phone in her hands. Constantly she told herself not to fall again. No matter what her head was telling her, in her heart she couldn't help it.

_You don't need to be sorry about anything this time around. I was the one who wanted you to stay and then kicked you out of my apartment not even an hour later. My mind and heart are having an internal war._

When her message sent, the let out the breath that she didn't realize she was holding. Almost instantly her phone went off in her hands.

_I understand that Olivia. I just need you to know I'm not going anywhere again. I will fight for you until I have you in my arms again._

_But you've said that twice now… I can't risk another goodbye. There now is more than just me, Lex. I have a little girl whose heart I will guard no matter what._

_I know that. I have made so many mistakes. If you can find it in me to give me another chance I swear I won't fuck it up this time. I want you and everything that comes with being with you; the late nights, middle of the night calls, Kinsley, anything Olivia._

_Alex…_

Olivia was trying to keep herself together. She softly placed a kiss on Kinsley's forehead and closed her eyes. She couldn't do this again tonight. She turned the volume off on her phone and set it in her room.

It was nearing five o'clock when she realized she hadn't even eaten all day. She went to the fridge and grabbed a piece of pizza that was wrapped up. She had bought it the day before to thank the guys for moving all of her heavy things in.

Alex sat in her apartment and stared at the picture of her and Olivia that she had kept in the living room. Olivia's smile was so radiant. She longed to see it, and her eyes light up again. She turned music on and gripped the picture hard as the song started to play. She picked up her phone and found a link to the song. She sent it to Olivia and nothing else.

Olivia fed Kinsley again around eight and laid her down for the night. She went into her room to change and picked up her phone. She clicked the clink in Alex's message and sat down on her bed.

_I know I wasn't there  
When you needed me the most  
I know I didn't care  
And was afraid to get so close  
Tonight it's getting hard to fall asleep  
'Cause it's becoming clear that I broke all into pieces  
And I cannot reverse it  
So I've got one more thing to say  
_

_I'm sorry for your pain  
I'm sorry for your tears  
For all the little things I didn't know  
I'm sorry for the words I didn't say  
But what I still do  
I'm still loving you_

Olivia listened to the words as silent tears ran down her face. Maybe Alex really has changed. As the song faded out Olivia dried her tears and went to the bathroom to wash her face. Nothing she did was pushing the blonde headed woman out of her mind. Olivia went through a photo album she had of her and Alex and sighed. She wanted Alex back, but couldn't take the heartbreak of her leaving yet again. Picking her phone up once again Olivia took a deep breath.

_Come back? I promise to not make you leave, if you promise not to willingly run this time._

_I'll be there in about 20. _

_Door is unlocked._

Olivia couldn't believe what she was doing but also wasn't going to stop it. She had to see her. She couldn't be angry anymore. All she was doing was hurting herself. She loved Alex with everything she had in her. She wanted desperately to try it out again with her.

She heard the front door open and close. She held her breathe when she heard Alex's footsteps coming closer to her room.

"We'll take it slow but you have one more shot Alex. Don't blow it. Don't walk away from me – from us this time." Olivia opened her mouth before Alex got the chance to even say hello. She had to get it out or it was going to stay in. She fought internally over it. Ultimately she knew what she was going to do but it was getting herself to that point.

All Alex could do was cry. Olivia reached out and took her hand into her own and rubbed her thumb across her knuckles. She stood up and wrapped her arms around the younger woman and held her close to her. It was going to be rough, but they were going to make it work.

"Thank you." Alex finally whispered with her face buried into Olivia. Olivia silently nodded and held Alex closer. As cliché as it sounds, for the first time in so long she finally felt complete.

"Don't fuck it Alex. I can't forgive you another time."

"I'm not going anywhere. No matter what happens, I'm here."

Olivia pulled back and wiped the few tears that were left off of Alex's face.

"Watch a movie with me?" Olivia bit her lip.

"You're not going to kick me out again?"

Olivia just shook her head. "No, I think I have you where you belong. I thought about it a lot. As I was unpacking things reminded me of you no matter what they were. I knew that I needed you. I'm just scared."

"Rightfully so Olivia. I hurt you and I fucked you over more than you ever deserve but I'm thankful for this opportunity. To be able to give you a new start at something that should never have ended to begin with."

Olivia gave her a small smile and grabbed her hand and walked into the living room. She grabbed the baby monitor sat on the couch.

"You pick." She pointed at the box of DVD's that were yet to be put on the shelf.

She watched as Alex rummaged through them and found one she wanted to watch. She put it in and sat on the couch but on the opposite end. Alex was nervous to get too close to Olivia. She didn't want her to panic and suddenly she was walking out of the apartment for the second time that day.

Olivia silently pressed play and scooted over to where Alex was sitting. She rested her head against Alex and smiled contently. Alex looked down and smiled back. She couldn't help but think that she was dreaming. She wasn't letting this go again.

**A/N: Thank you all for reading. I was thinking, I could either stop this here or keep going. That is entirely up to you guys. Let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know this is a shorter chapter than normal, but bear with me. I started a new job today. I just really wanted to get something up for you guys!**

Olivia woke up and found herself still on the couch wrapped around Alex's body. Both of them had fallen asleep. Checking her phone, Olivia sighed when she saw the time. The clock on the front of it read 3:27 am. She ran her hand through her hair and slowly got up. She went to check on Kinsley before coming back into the living room. Flipping the lights off and turning off the TV, Olivia made her way to the couch.

"Alex, wake up." Olivia gently shook the blonde.

"No." Alex's words came out more as a mumble.

"Let's go to bed."

"Are you sure?" Alex sat up, barely awake.

"Yes, it's three thirty in the morning. You aren't going back across town and you sure as hell aren't sleeping on my couch. Come on." Olivia smiled and took Alex's hand.

Alex got up from the couch and followed Olivia in. She nervously slipped into the bed next to Olivia.

"When I said come to bed, I didn't mean for you to sleep so close to the edge of the bed and away from me Counselor."

"I don't want to cross a line. I don't want to push too far and you end up angry. I don't want to lose you again by pushing too far." Alex said softly turning to look at Olivia.

Olivia pulled Alex to her and sighed.

"You're not going anywhere and you're not going to cross a line when it doesn't exist. We'll talk about it more in the morning. For now, we need to sleep. Let me hold you, Alex. Besides in just a few short hours a little girl is going to be screaming her head off in the next room."

Alex silently curled up next to the detective. Something changed since she had left earlier that day. She didn't know what exactly but in that moment she wasn't going to question it either. She smiled as she heard Olivia take a deep breath. Her face was buried into Alex's blonde locks. The night Alex fell asleep with a smile on her face.

For the first times since she brought Kinsley home, Olivia groaned when she heard the cries of her daughter. Carefully she untangled herself from Alex and smiled.

"Good morning baby girl." Olivia smiled as she walked into Kinsley's room.

Olivia continued on with her morning routine. Carrying Kinsley to the kitchen Olivia started the coffeepot and made a bottle. She was on the couch feeding Kinsley when Alex came walking into the living room. She leaned against the wall and smiled.

"Good morning." Olivia looked up and smiled sensing her presence in the room.

"You're an amazing mother Olivia." Alex made her way into the living room and sat next to her on the couch.

"I hope to be."

"You are and will continue to be."

"You really think that?"

"I know that, Liv. You love her more than anything in the world and you would do anything in your power for her. You are giving her unconditional love."

Olivia couldn't help but smile at Alex. "Want to feed her?"

"You sure?" Alex bit her lip. She wasn't trying to be intrusive at all.

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure. We have a lot to talk about but that can wait for the time being. First, you're going to feed her. I am going to make us something to eat for breakfast. Kinsley is going to play and then crash. Because we're gonna have a better day than we did yesterday right baby?" Olivia smiled and kissed Kinsley's head. She handed her over to Alex and smiled.

"You're so sweet." Alex looked down and smiled. The little girl was truly perfect.

Olivia looked at the two before she finally made her way to the kitchen. She poured Alex a cup of coffee and brought it to her. She made scrambled eggs and threw an English muffin into the toaster.

"Around noon we are dropping Kinsley off with her sitter. We have to talk. No fighting, no running or me pushing you away. Everything will be brought and put forth on the table. If we are going to make this work we have to be on the same page. Once that happens, the cards will fall as they may." Olivia walked back in and put their food on the table. She smiled again when she put Kinsley into her swing.

"Thank you." Alex smiled and sat down at the table. She didn't say much then because she knew they would get into it deeper later.

"For what?" Olivia sat down across from her and raised an eyebrow.

"Even thinking about giving me another chance. Not making me get up and leave last night. For the best night of sleep I've had in a year. A lot of things."

"You're welcome, Lex. Just don't fuck it up this time."

"I'm not Olivia. And I will do whatever I can to show you that."

"I hope so."

"I promise. I'm here to stay."

Olivia just smiled and ate her food. They fell into a comfortable silence, both stealing small glances at each other. So much had changed but their connection hadn't. They weren't relearning each other as much as they are learning what has happened in the past year.

"Would you like to get her dressed for me?" Olivia bit her lip hard. She knew that if she was going to have Alex around she would have to get used to having Alex help out with Kinsley. She saw Alex start to question her and she grabbed her hand. "You're gonna be around her a lot Alex. Might as well start now, Lex. Her clothes are in her closet. You can choose whatever you would like to put her in." With that Olivia picked their plates in the sink and smiled.

Alex just smiled and picked up Kinsley. She carried her to her room and set her on the changing table and changed her diaper. She was learning quickly that she hated sitting in wet diapers. She picked her back up and went through the closet. She found her an outfit and smiled. She got her changed and walked into the living room. Olivia smiled at the two of them. She had changed into a pair of dark wash jeans and a red sweater.

Alex stopped in her tracks and looked at Olivia.

"Need something Counselor?" Olivia smirked as she looked up at Alex.

"Nope, nothing at all." She looked down at Kinsley when she cooed. "You think mommy looks pretty too?" That resulted in Kinsley smiling and babbled again.

"Okay Cabot, I've let you hoard my baby enough for the time being. You give me her and go shower and do what you need to. Far left side of the closet, you'll see some familiar things."

Alex raised her eyebrow and looked at Olivia. "What do you mean?"

"Give me Kinsley and look for yourself."

Alex handed over the baby and walked to Olivia's room. She opened the closet and smiled. The clothes that she had left at Olivia's were now hanging in the closet. She ran her fingers over the clothes and smiled again. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt that she knew Olivia liked. Getting into the shower, Alex let out a content sigh. She was still scared that this was all going to be a dream.

"You kept all of my things?" Alex asked softly as she went back into the living room where she found Olivia sitting on the floor watching Kinsley play.

"Yes."

"Why though?"

"Because I wasn't going to get rid of them. You were coming back, eventually."

"How did you know? You had even moved on." Alex trailed off.

"Because I had to move on with my life even though I wanted it to stop until you were back here. I knew you would be back because I know you. And I know where we belong." Olivia smiled and got up and pulled Alex to her. She stood in front of the blonde and looked up at the slightly taller woman.

Alex felt her knees almost go weak as she stared into Olivia's brown eyes. She knew that it was where she wanted to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chapter took me forever to write and I apologize for that. I'm still not very happy with it, but all of you deserve some sort of update. And if you could take the time out to review I will love you forever! - No really, I probably will love you forever. Enjoy.**

"Couldn't have told me we were taking her to the Stabler's?" Alex looked down in the car.

"Well, you didn't ask."

"I didn't ask for the look Elliot was giving me the whole five minutes I was there also."

"I'm sorry, Lex. He's protective and doesn't really know much about this thing we have budding here. I've not been to work and I haven't spoken to him since we have started talking again."

Alex nodded and looked out the window.

"He'll accept it or I will kick his ass."

"He's afraid I'm gonna drop you like a bad habit again, I get it."

"We'll talk about it when we get back to the apartment. Speaking of which do you need anything from yours?"

"No, by the looks of it you have a decent collection of my things at your place."

Olivia smiled internally and drove back to her place. The ride there was silent but eventually was comfortable.

"Why are you willing to give me another chance?" Alex sat on Olivia's couch and sighed. She had been staring into space since they had gotten back.

"Because I love you and I want more than anything to have you back. I would forgive you a million times if I needed to."

"I don't necessarily deserve it."

"But you do Alex. I've forgave you, you just have to forgive yourself."

Alex nodded and curled up to Olivia's side.

"What else happened while I was gone? Other than you starting a family and moving?"

Alex softly ran her fingertips up and down Olivia's arm.

"A lot in the first six months after you left. I took some time off, which in retrospect wasn't the best thing to do. I came home to an empty apartment and a fridge full of beer…" Olivia trailed off and took a deep breath. "I realized it and threw myself back into work. Barely even went back there. I spent my nights going over case files and ultimately passing out at my desk or in the cribs. I was a complete wreck most of the time."

Olivia looked down at Alex; the blonde woman had her head down looking guilty.

She took a deep breath before starting again. "Then Emma came around after a rough case. Then I got Kins and now you're back."

Olivia took Alex's hand and squeezed it gently.

"I'm not leaving again. Never again, Olivia. I want you and the life that comes with it."

"Are you sure you can deal with that, Lex? It wouldn't just be us in this whole thing. In just a couple weeks, I will legally be the mother to a little girl who I love more than anything."

"I can deal with it Olivia. I love you and you finally have what you've wanted for so long. Plus, she deserves a family. I know that it isn't going to happen right away and this is going to be a process but eventually I want that."

Olivia couldn't help but smile as the words came from Alex's lips.

"I want this to work more than anything Lex. It just has to happen slowly. And honestly you have to understand why."

Alex nodded but looked up and smiled at Olivia.

"I get it, Liv. Knowing I have a chance is all that matters right now."

"You will always have a chance. Want to grab lunch and then go get Kinsley?"

Alex looked apprehensive and bit her lip.

"I don't think me going back to Stabler's is the best. You can go pick up Kinsley and I can make us something here while you are gone."

"I'll talk to him Alex. And seeing as how I just moved in here, there isn't anything to really make here. At some point today I need to get groceries."

"I can go to the store." Alex was trying her best to get out of going with Olivia.

"Nope, you're coming with me. We can talk to him together."

Alex took a deep breath and looked up at Olivia still silently pleading with her. Olivia smiled and shook her head.

"We're facing it together. It isn't going to be the last run in like this. Many people are going to have the same reaction, especially the guys."

"Do they all hate me?"

"They just don't like one of their own being hurt Lex. They saw what happened to me."

"I'm done hurting you."

"And I hope that's true. Come on, let's go."

"Fine, but can we get her and then just get something to make here? You can go grocery shopping."

"If that is what you want."

Alex smiled and squeezed Olivia's hand. Things were far from perfect, or how they used to be, but things were slowly coming together. Or at least Alex hoped so.

"Can we get her first?" Alex perked up and smiled again.

"Someone has already become attached."

"Can you blame me?"

"Not at all." Olivia laughed and stood up. "Come on, we have a little girl to get. She should hopefully we awake. If not, we may have to wait for her nap to end."

Alex bit her lip hard staring at Olivia.

"Lex, we have to talk to him and at some point all of them. I'm not saying we have to fully disclose our…" Olivia stopped herself. "Whatever it is going on with us. In the very least they need to know you're going to be around."

"I guess we should probably get this over with."

Olivia gave a small smile and took Alex's hand, pulling her up. Something had changed in the time Alex had been gone. She wasn't the usual Ice Princess she had been before she left.

The entire ride back to Elliot's was quiet. Alex's nerves were getting the best of her as she sat in the front seat wringing her hands.

"You ready for this?" Olivia pulled the car up in front of the house and looked over at Alex as she turned the car off.

"As ready as I can be."

Alex got out of the car and waited for Olivia to join her on her side of the care before walking up. She took a deep breath as Olivia knocked on the door. She was looking down at the ground when she heard the door open. When Alex looked up, Kathy was standing in the doorway allowing them to come in.

Walking in both ladies smiled as they saw Kinsley sitting with her boppy pillow in the living room floor.

"Kinsley, your mommy came to steal you back from us." Elliot came walking down the stairs and smiled at Olivia before realizing Alex was behind her.

Olivia saw his face and shot him a look as Alex looked at the ground. Kathy had gone into the living room and picked Kinsley up and took her to change her diaper.

"Cabot." Elliot nodded his head at her. He still was so cold towards her.

"Elliot, I know you're upset with me and have every right to be. I up and left all of you guys without the least bit of a warning." Alex took a deep breath and looked at Olivia.

"Look Elliot, she is back, permanently." Olivia looked back at the detective.

Elliot just shook his head and looked at them.

"You just let her pop back in after a year. She tore you to pieces Olivia."

"Yeah, she messed me up Elliot but she's back trying to fix the mistake that she made. All I'm asking of you and the rest of the guys is to accept the fact that she's going to be around again."

"You are all entitled to feel as you may towards me Elliot." Alex finally spoke again. "I'm doing whatever I need to, to try and regain everyone's trust. Especially hers." She nodded towards Olivia. "I'm fully aware that I've made my fair share of mistakes and I can assure you that they aren't going to happen again. With time, I hope you can see that, Detective."

"I watched her come completely unraveled Alex, we all did. She became a completely different person until she got Kinsley. You have to understand, what you both are asking of us isn't easy."

"El, we both know that. All I am asking is to not look like you're going to kill her every time you see her."

He just nodded and sighed as Kathy came back in and handed Olivia Kinsley.

"Thank you for keeping her for me. When I finally get the apartment unpacked, I'll invite you guys over for dinner."

"We look forward to it, Liv. And Alex, it's nice seeing you again." Kathy gave her a warm smile. She knew all too well how Elliot was making her feel.

"You want to get her into the car and I'll be out in a minute?" Olivia passed Kinsley to Alex and pointed at the car seat sitting next to the chair.

Silently Alex nodded and carried the little girl over and got her in before throwing the diaper bag over her shoulder and heading out to the car. She had gotten them both buckled in the car when Olivia finally made her way out of the house.

"They'll come around eventually, Lex." Olivia slipped into the car and took Alex's hand into her own as they drove away."

"I hope so." Alex said barely above a whisper.

"Are you sure you're still wanting to go shopping?"

Alex smiled and nodded.

"Yes, you need food in your apartment and I need to make lunch."

Olivia smiled at Alex and gave her hand a small squeeze. When they were alone, it was as if they were never apart. Their connection definitely never went away.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Raise your hand if you're tired of my empty promises. I'm sorry. I'm working constantly here lately. Things at work went crazy when a coworker was arrested at work. But that is a whole other story. But here is the next chapter for A New Start. This chapter could be the end or I could continue writing. That is all up to you guys! If you haven't noticed, this is more of my fluff story. Stay With Me if filled with drama and more surprises to come. This one here though, it's probably going to sticky sweet if I continue… Unless my inner muse decides to throw a curve ball! I'm done talking now, enjoy. (:**

"Damn it Alex! Stop!" Olivia called after Alex as the blonde ran out of the precinct. The pair had been seeing each other again a little over a month. Things were going good up until that morning.

"Why should I? What he said back there crossed a line and was personal." Alex seethed at the thought of Elliot's words.

"You promised you wouldn't leave Alex! And here you are running again!"

No sooner than the words escaped from Olivia's lips, Alex stopped in her tracks and turned to face the woman coming up to her.

"I'm not leaving you, Olivia. I learned my lesson. I was leaving the situation before I said something I regretted. Every chance he gets, he jabs at our relationship. No matter if he is slyly trying to do it or not, it happens! I still have a job to do and our relationship doesn't affect that. If you would have come to me wanting the warrant instead of him you would have gotten the same answer."

"He's a jackass and I'm sorry for that Alex. I would have set him straight if you wouldn't have."

"He doesn't get to use our relationship as leverage at work. I can understand his personal issues with us but we vowed to not let us get in the way of doing our jobs. And that is exactly why you go through Casey unless you have no other choice. I will see you when you get home tonight Olivia. I have meetings the rest of the day."

Alex didn't give Olivia the chance to respond as she slipped into a cab. Olivia stood there and watched as the cab left the curb. Running her fingers through her hair she walked back into the 1-6.

"Captain, may I have a word with you sir?" Olivia walked through the squad room looking in no one else's direction.

"In my office Olivia."

Silently she walked past the older man and took a seat in the chair in front of his desk. The generally strong and confident detective was sitting there wringing her hands. She wished that none of this had to boil down to what it had.

"What is it, Liv? You look as if you have a fire burning in your eyes."

"I would like to request a new partner." The words seemed to just fall out.

"On what grounds? You and Elliot have been partners for over a decade. You're best friends, practically inseparable."

"Alex and I disclosed our relationship not too long after she came back. Every one of the guys has accepted it and moved on. Then there is him! It started out personal, when he found out she was back. And today it was here. I can't do it anymore. Not when he makes our ADA bolt out of here faster than I can get up." Olivia was rambling looking at the older man who was somewhat of a father figure to her.

"Starting Monday you'll be assigned a new partner. I'll put you with Fin and Elliot can take Munch. Go home, get your daughter and enjoy the rest of your day and weekend" Cragen didn't even bother arguing with her. Maybe it would work out better for the squad. The tension was thick lately.

"It's my weekend to catch."

"Olivia, just get your ass out of here before I change my mind."

"Yes sir." Olivia got up and took a deep breath. Once again she was lost in her thoughts.

Elliot had been her best friend since she started SVU. He had been her rock when Alex was in witness protection. He knew her inside and out. Why he couldn't get past this was beyond her. Maybe this would be the eye opener he needed.

Olivia opened the bottom drawer of her desk and grabbed her purse. As she made her way out she heard Cragen addressing the guys. Shaking her head she walked through the doors and took a deep breath.

Not wanting to go right home after she picked up Kinsley, she took her for a walk around the park. Glancing at her phone she realized it was nearly five.

"Still coming over tonight?" Olivia sent a text to Alex and started making their way home.

As Olivia walked into her building she got a text from Alex. "Be there in 20. I just got into a cab."

Olivia went in and put Kinsley in her swing and went to take a shower. She had just finished rinsing herself off when she heard her daughter crying. Quickly she jumped out and wrapped a towel around her. She was leaning over the swing when she heard the front door opening and the click of Alex's heels against the hard floor.

"Well, that's a lovely sight to come in too after today." Alex smiled at the sight of her girlfriend in just a towel.

"Well, I can arrange a good night for you if you take her and feed her so I can get dressed."

Olivia kissed Alex softly and handed her Kinsley.

"We also need to talk." Olivia sighed as she walked out of the bathroom clad in a pair of black yoga pants and a white tank top.

Alex just nodded and ran her fingers through her hair. She was curled up on the couch feeding Kinsley her bottle. The little girl had captured her heart in the last month. She cherished the moments she spent with her one on one. Here lately Olivia had relaxed more when it came to Kinsley and Alex. The adoption had been finalized and she no longer had to worry about someone breathing down her neck. Scared she was going to mess up and they would instantly take her from her.

"You're so good with her." Olivia sat down and rested her head against the blonde.

"Nowhere as near as good as you are. She is such a good baby for her mama." Alex shot her a smile and looked back down at the infant in her arms.

"Well, when you're here she is just as good."

Alex just pressed a silent kiss to Kinsley's head and looked back at Olivia.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

"Al, no. I over reacted. All I saw was you storming out. Nothing I said got you to stop. I thought you were really leaving again." Olivia adverted eyes from Alex's and looked to the ground.

"I've told you before, I'm not going anywhere. I should have learned my lesson the last time. But you verbally saying what you did, stung."

"I know it did. I knew it would stop you in your tracks. I played dirty and still didn't even win. Captain sent me home and I'm off for the weekend."

Alex gave her a look as she raised her eyebrow.

"I also was approved for a new partner." Olivia blurted out. It still hurt to say it. It hurt even more to think of the pain it was causing.

"You what?"

"I went in and immediately asked Cragen for a new partner. As much as it hurts and I don't understand it, I'm not letting him continue to be a jackass to you. Starting Monday I'm catching with Fin."

Alex sat there and tried to digest what Olivia was saying. She was putting Alex in front of her best friend. Her partner of over ten years.

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure of what? He doesn't get to treat you like complete shit. Outside of work I could handle it. You bend over backwards for all of us. Yes, you're my girlfriend but that doesn't define you when we are at work. You are Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. A highly respected woman who has worked to achieve it."

Alex smiled as she put Kinsley down in her swing. Coming back to the other woman, she straddled her legs and kissed her.

"I love you." She pressed her forehead to the brunette's and got lost in her eyes.

Olivia stared into the blue orbs that were peering into her soul. They were filled with so much passion and sincerity.

"I love you too Alex."

Olivia cupped Alex's cheek and ran her thumb over the soft porcelain flesh. Their moment was over in an instant when her phone started ringing and Kinsley started to fuss.

"Damn, things sure know how to bombard us." Alex laughed as she got off of Olivia and handed her the ringing phone from the coffee table. She stuck Kinsley's pacifier in her mouth and made her way back to Olivia.

"It's Elliot." Olivia grumbled.

"Talk to him? I'll go take a shower and let you have some privacy."

Olivia shook her head and put her phone back down. "Not tonight. He's going to be angry and all it's going to end up in is a fight. Go shower, but I will deal with him tomorrow."

Alex nodded and sighed. She felt like she was the one forming the wedge between the two of them without even meaning to. All it was, was just because she was with Olivia. But she wasn't going to let anything stop her this time. She loved Olivia with everything she had to give.

As Alex made her way into Olivia's bedroom her phone rang. A smile spread across her face as she answered it. 'Uncle Bill' and a picture of the two of them came up on the screen.

The blonde came back into the living room as she ended the phone call.

"My uncle wants to meet me for dinner tomorrow night. He hasn't seen me since I came back, which I feel guilty for. So I'm all yours until around six."

Olivia just smiled and nodded as she brought her attention back to the crappy television show she had put on. Alex's uncle was the only family member Alex kept close contact with. He had been like a father figure since her parents both were gone.

"Well don't you look comfy." Olivia smirked when Alex reappeared nearly thirty minutes later. Alex was standing in front of her in a pair of shorts and Olivia's NYPD shirt.

"What do you want for dinner?" Alex just smiled and walked into the kitchen.

"Whatever you can find to make. We- well I need to grocery shopping."

"We." Alex put emphasis on the word and turned around from the fridge. "Have the ingredients for me to make some sort of carbonara."

"Whatever you would like my love." Olivia smiled as she watched Alex. She obviously had a rough day but was in her kitchen starting dinner with ease. "Would you like my help?" The dark hared woman turned off the tv and started playing music.

"Are you sure you can boil water without anything happening?" Alex smirked and turned to face Olivia.

"Hey! I've assisted you with dinner a few times without any- okay, many mishaps."

Alex let out a hardy laugh as Olivia pulled out a pan and filled it with water.

"I guess we will see how this goes Benson." Alex watched Olivia as she sat the pot down and looked at her.

"What else can I do, Cabot?"

"Well, detective there are a few mushrooms in the fridge that could use sliced up while I finish this."

Olivia was just finishing cutting the mushrooms when there was a knock on the door. Alex raised her eyebrow causing the older woman to shrug her shoulders.

She made her way to the door and wasn't prepared to see Elliot standing on the other side when she looked through the peep hole.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

"Liv." Elliot looked up at his best friend looking absolutely defeated.

"Come in Elliot, it's cold outside there and I don't want all that air on Kins."

Elliot followed Olivia in and took a deep breath of his own.

"What do you want Elliot. I'm sure you have said enough to me and my girlfriend for the day."

"Probably to much of your surprise, I didn't come here to argue or fight or cause even more problems. I came here to apologize. I was an asshole, I've been an ass for the last month. I've seen you the happiest you have been in so long and yet I still didn't know when to shut up. I was sitting there waiting for the other shoe to drop and to have you standing on my front porch a complete mess again. I was too dumb to realize what everyone else already has. Alex isn't leaving you this time. I have to accept your decision or I'm going to lose you for good." Elliot spoke without giving Olivia the chance to say a word.

Elliot turned his attention to the blonde he had failed to see when he came in as she poured pasta into the pan.

"Alex, I know at this point it isn't worth much but I am sorry."

"Prove to Olivia that you're sorry Elliot. She deserves it more than I am. I accept your apology but she was the one hurt more than anyone. You were one of the few people she has Elliot. Maybe a little time apart could do you both good. But one thing that isn't going to change is that I'm here. I'm not leaving again."

Olivia stood there and watched the interaction between the two people she was the closest too. Even though Alex was the one of the end of Elliot's attacks, she was thinking of Olivia.

"I'll do my best to do that. She deserves you Cabot. I'll see you Monday Olivia. Thank you for not slamming the door in my face." Elliot finally turned his attention back to Olivia.

Olivia smiled at him and walked him out. She didn't expect to see him so soon. Maybe she really did make the right decision.

"That was interesting." Alex smiled when Olivia came back to the kitchen watching as Alex finished dinner.

"I was expecting there to be a fire in his eyes and steam flowing from his ears. Definitely not an apology."

"Maybe he really is trying to take a step in the right direction. Time will tell baby. Grab plates? Dinner will be done soon. Plus your daughter sounds as if she has a gift waiting for you."

"She's always just my daughter during these times conveniently enough."

"Well, she is." Alex kind of trailed off biting her lip.

"You've become just as much as her mother as I am in this short time period. You're here almost every single day. You pick her up from day care. You're there for her when I'm not. She calms in your arms instantly sometimes. Kinsley knows it just as well as I do Alex. I want nothing more than for you to be her mother." Olivia wrapped her arms around the taller woman and placed a kiss on her collar bone. Tears were silently flowing from Alex's eyes.

"I love you and that little girl so much." She said softly, glancing at the little girl who was fussing and grunting across the room. "Someone wants her other mommy since this one is cooking."

"You get out of it now for the last time. She's our daughter Alex."

Alex flashed Olivia a smiled as the brunette left Alex's arms and picked up Kinsley.

"Fresh diaper and a new sleeper, and she's out." Olivia smiled as took a seat on a stool in front of the island.

"Give her a little bit; she'll be awake again wanting her last feeding of the night."

"I'll take it, at least she's finally sleeping through the night mostly."

"That is definitely true." Alex placed two plates on the island in front of Olivia and smiled.

"I could get used to being a kept woman Counselor. You know, quit my job and just be pampered."

Alex choked back laughter as she took her seat next to Olivia. "That would never happen. You enjoy working too hard and hate when I even do things that involve large amounts of money."

"Being independent is nice, but I'm starting to get used to the idea of having you to lean on."

"Always Olivia. I want a life with you and starting out with Kinsley is definitely a wonderful new start for the both of us."

Olivia couldn't believe just how lucky she was. She had a beautiful daughter and finally had her lover back. Nothing could get better than that.


End file.
